Why Family Shapes How I Lead

The true power of a leader is revealed in how they live their life.

The true power of a leader is revealed in how they live their life.

Think about it. Who are the most admirable leaders? Is it the ones who get in before anyone else and leave after the whole team? The ones sending emails nights and weekends? The ones missing their children’s sporting events or dates with their partner or friends because they are working late?

I am not knocking the people who would answer yes to those questions. To be honest, I used to be one of them. And even now, if I’m not careful, I can slip back into those old ways.

For a long time, I believed that was what made a good leader. I thought it was the only path to success, chasing a career at all costs. But here’s what I’ve learned: no organization, career, or job title is worth sacrificing everything for the promise of happiness.

I used to tell myself things like, When I achieve X… when this big project is finished… then I won’t work at my kids’ sporting events anymore. But the truth is, there will always be another project, another goal, another milestone. If you keep waiting for the right time to protect what matters most, you may realize too late that those moments have already passed.

Through many challenging seasons in my life, I’ve learned that good leadership begins with prioritizing my faith and my family first, unapologetically. This means being clear with my team about what my priorities are and how I operate. I am committed to delivering great work and helping my team succeed, but not at the expense of my family or my health.

We live in a world where, depending on the organization and role, there is often some level of flexibility. If your workplace doesn’t allow for that, my honest advice is to find one that does. Life is not all about work.

A year ago, after walking through a particularly hard season in life, I made some big changes. I chose to stop doing childcare before school so I could spend meaningful time with my kids in the morning. Now I see my daughter off to the bus, feed my son breakfast, drive him to school, and then head into the office. I choose to start my day loving my family first.

Do I get into the office later than some members of my team? Yes.

Do I sometimes leave earlier than others? Yes.

And I’m open about that.

I share my family with my team, and I encourage them to share what matters most in their lives with me too.

I help coach my daughter’s basketball team. I get my kids to practices. I don’t miss their sporting events because I choose to work late.

Never.

My children will always know they come before my career. And if that means that after they go to bed I quietly log on, schedule emails to send during work hours, and make sure the work gets done, then that’s what I do. Because here’s what I learned the hard way: when work and family compete constantly for your attention, you eventually lose in both places.

You become resentful. You feel like you’re not good at anything, work, parenting, being a spouse, being a friend. It’s a perfect recipe for burnout. So I began asking myself a simple question: What is my why?

Then I asked it again.

And again.

And again.

Five layers deep.

For me, the answer is simple. My family is my why. My life revolves around them. They are my sun, my moon, and all my stars. And that truth shapes how I lead.

I am not afraid to say that I love my team. I love the people who make up my team. I care about them. I care about what they care about.They matter to me far beyond the work they accomplish. Just like my children and my husband matter to me simply because of who they are, not what they achieve. I want them to chase their dreams, and I will be in their corner 100%. The same is true for the people I lead.

Here’s what happens when leaders choose to show up this way. When leaders allow themselves to be human and share more of who they are, they create space for others to do the same.

You can set boundaries more clearly. You can create a healthier tone for your team. You give people permission to have passions, hobbies, interests, and priorities outside of work. In fact, they should.On my team, it’s encouraged. Work is part of who we are, but it should never define all that we are.

Work is part of who we are, but it should never define all that we are.

Every day I remind myself of what matters most and ask: are the decisions I’m making aligned with my values? Some days I get it right. Some days I don’t. But the power is in giving myself grace when I slip and coming back to my why, to make sure my number one stays my number one.

Because when all is said and done, I don’t want to be remembered for the titles I held or the meetings I led.

I want to be remembered for how I loved my family. For the way I showed up for people. Because long after the titles fade and the meetings end, what remains is how you made someone feel. As Maya Angelous said, “people will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

The faith I carried. The hope I never let go of, and the quiet commitment to leave every space, and every person better than I found them.

So I will leave you with this question: What is shaping how you lead?

Go Home.
Love your Family,

Live Elevated. Lead with Purpose